Making Sense of Teen Tech

Tips for Adults

Assess Appropriate Phone Use

If your child doesn’t have a phone:

  • Delay access if possible
  • Middle school – Consider a flip phone or smartphone without internet, like Bark or Pinwheel
  • High school freshmen –  Consider a smartphone with limits on social media

If your child has a phone:

  • Reset expectations regarding the when, how, and why of phone use
  • Establish a tech contract co-created by parent and child
  • Your child should show competency with basic safety boundaries regarding phone use before driving
Set Appropriate Limits: Establish Boundaries
  • Establish house rules: clear, consistent expectations and consequences
    • Should be outlined with a contract co-created by parent and child
  • Make phone free spaces that are grounded in your family values, like the dinner table, your child’s bedroom, homework time, etc.
  • Place restrictions on access to sites/apps
  • Consider no phone use during school hours
  • Establish screen free days/competitions
  • Instead of trying to control your child’s behavior, set boundaries and stick to them

 

Educate, Don’t Assume
  • Teach children about internet safety, including:
    • The importance of protecting personal information
    • Recognizing online scams
    • Understanding the risks of talking with strangers online
  • Regularly discuss your child’s online experience and encourage open communication.
  • Stay informed and involved by keeping up with the latest technologies and trends to understand the digital world your child is navigating.
  • Stay engaged in your child’s online activities and participate in their digital world to better guide and support them.

 

Model Appropriate Use
  • Children learn from watching
  • Lead by example when asking your child to do something
    • If you must use your phone differently, explain why
    • When in doubt, talk it out
  • Build routines for in–person connection
    • Dedicate 30 minutes of uninterrupted, quality time with your child at least once a week
  • Discuss pros and cons of technology/social media
  • Address and repair disagreements or ruptures with your child instead of ignoring them or pretending like nothing happened
  • Continue to conduct family meetings to assess contracts and tech use

 

Have the Real Conversations

Be Curious

  • Consider what your child’s usage is like and why
  • Consider how this makes your child feel and why
  • Learn more by asking open-ended questions
    • When do you use your phone the most?
    • What do you like to do on your phone/tablet/laptop?
    • How do you feel about yourself after spending time online?

Remove Judgement

  • Keep an open dialogue
  • Your child needs to feel safe coming to you when they eventually make a mistake
  • They will not share if they feel judged or shamed

Provide Rationale and Establish Clarity

  • “Name it to tame it”
    • My job is to keep you safe, and that includes on technology.
    • We don’t allow locks on your door, it’s the same with technology.
    • Just like we don’t allow TV in your bedroom, you cannot have your phone in your bedroom.
  •  

Strategize Solutions and Consequences/Outcomes

  • Solutions – Agreed upon by parent and child
    • Delete an app that is causing issues
    • Communicate with school if connected to inappropriate use
  • Consequences
    • Natural: Happens on its own
      • Too much time on phone = fails a test
      • Misuse of phone = loss of friends
    • Logical: Connects to the inappropriate action to teach a skill
      • Fails a test = phone-free study time
      • Poor behavior online = apologizes
      • Misuse of an app = blocking or deleting an app
Resources
  • Josselyn – Find complete list of services and resources at josselyn.org

  • Research on Google
    • Technology contracts
    • Parent control tools to manage access to content, set screen time limits, and monitor use
    • Family communication tools to manage technology time, share locations, and more

  • Closed Facebook Groups, like, “Parenting in a Tech World”

  • Books
    • The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
    • Breaking Free of Child Anxiety by Eli Lebowitz
    • Healthy Kids and Families in a Technology Filled World by Charles Fay